This… will… ramble…
Each day is a bite, and it's sometimes a bit tart… but I’m pretty good with food.
This is a good start. It’s simple. That’s the point. If you can get it there, then you don’t have to read more, and can stop. Have you learned how to stop yet? I’m getting there on that one.
I get it (the other thing), but I like to keep going anyways… that’s another point.
This might wander…
I, have not written… a long time…
I do not write.
Sometimes I don’t even speak. I feel, there’s not much to say.
There was so much nonsense to stop talking.
I play music, upside down, inside out, round and round, until I pass out.
That's what I do. In closed rooms. Though, I won't stop if you come in.
And will play if you ask me...
This is what I do, instead of speaking.
I sing on the bus.
It is... much later than last I was here, and much has changed.
Usually it is much later, and very little has changed, except for the time.
I haven’t noticed the time for a while now.
Time has sprawled and crawled, and lurched forward through a series of days.
And I along with it sometimes. Have crawled and managed, and things have been strange, and not strange, and generally… they are… just what they are.
And these are old words… past words… they're a bit confused...
While I am not
But, looking back... I see that much has been...
And they can only be described… in... confused ways…
Otherwise… they are not done justice… and still there are things that seem unresolved from all that confusion...
But my feet are steady. So are my eyes. I stare a lot, at all the things that just are. Nothing to say, apart from the odd overwhelming thing. Everything else seems… obvious.Almost… embarrassingly so.
This is new. Usually I’m confused, even when I know things.
Each day I care less and less…
(These are words that linger on the tips of the lips of my brain.
No longer quite my own. Words that I want to use, but don’t quite recognise.)
Maybe…Each day, I… worry less… (a bit closer to the right words)
And care, fiercely, about the things I really care about…
And really just don’t give a fuck, about the things I don’t give a fuck about.
And when you step into that area, I don’t give a fuck about you.
Apart from the rare few… who I might wade in after.
Because after all…
I Do Care
I’m still making my mind up about some of you. Sorry.
I might never do so. I don’t have the time.
Some of you I have forgotten about entirely.
I don’t feel bad. I don’t have the time.
I know what I know. Sometimes it’s a bit stupid and painful… but I know it more than Christmas… just because.
So… what is going on?
It is a quiet night. And in a pause between breaths…
I am writing.
Because, I am a writer, and always knew I was.
I just didn’t want to write.
I don’t really have anything to say. But I just felt like talking.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Evolution in a Blog
I have a bottle of shampoo sitting in front of me.
It's close to empty.
It is pink.
It has an attractive, circular, green symbol on the front, with some sort of ivy thing going on. It has a small amount of writing on the front, and more on the back, all of it is ridiculous, or bullshit.
I am relatively ignorant to the sciences of hair care.
The bottle in front of me that the shampoo it contains is particularly good at straightening hair because it contains honeyed pear and silk. This is stunning information. I didn't know silk could be reduced to a liquid form, but if it can (apparently so) I suppose it would be nice in your hair. Honeyed pear sounds like it might smell nice, and I do value a good natural smell over perfume, but I don't know why they used honeyed pears. Perhaps it contains pear and honey, but I can't quite believe they bought pre-honeyed pears to make shampoo with, the same pears some people might eat.
This combination apparently makes for a powerful shampoo that will "straight to your head." The lame appeal to a popular turn of phrase is so unfunny that any association with other head benefits such as a pleasurable non-headache sensation or an improvement in your mental faculty is unlikely. I feel dumber just looking at this thing.
Other tacky lines are listed out on the back: "I think it's better straight than never," "Get in line right here" "for straight sake"... the french translations are so bad shouldn't be mentioned here.
The whole product is said to be "dangerously straight." There is something about it that is subtly dangerous.
I've been looking at this bottle every now and then when I was in the washroom, which I share with two roomates, one of them female, who's hair product this is. The bottle originally appealed to me, when it was new, because its shape and color were quite appealing, and the designs were simple and effective. As I read about it's contents its initial glamour wore off. Soon it's external glamor began to fade, until now it is an almost empty bottle of goo, with a surface that is just smudged and scratched enough to remind that this is a plastic bottle that will be absolutely useless once it is done with.
From this point my mind wandered further... to be continued.
It's close to empty.
It is pink.
It has an attractive, circular, green symbol on the front, with some sort of ivy thing going on. It has a small amount of writing on the front, and more on the back, all of it is ridiculous, or bullshit.
I am relatively ignorant to the sciences of hair care.
The bottle in front of me that the shampoo it contains is particularly good at straightening hair because it contains honeyed pear and silk. This is stunning information. I didn't know silk could be reduced to a liquid form, but if it can (apparently so) I suppose it would be nice in your hair. Honeyed pear sounds like it might smell nice, and I do value a good natural smell over perfume, but I don't know why they used honeyed pears. Perhaps it contains pear and honey, but I can't quite believe they bought pre-honeyed pears to make shampoo with, the same pears some people might eat.
This combination apparently makes for a powerful shampoo that will "straight to your head." The lame appeal to a popular turn of phrase is so unfunny that any association with other head benefits such as a pleasurable non-headache sensation or an improvement in your mental faculty is unlikely. I feel dumber just looking at this thing.
Other tacky lines are listed out on the back: "I think it's better straight than never," "Get in line right here" "for straight sake"... the french translations are so bad shouldn't be mentioned here.
The whole product is said to be "dangerously straight." There is something about it that is subtly dangerous.
I've been looking at this bottle every now and then when I was in the washroom, which I share with two roomates, one of them female, who's hair product this is. The bottle originally appealed to me, when it was new, because its shape and color were quite appealing, and the designs were simple and effective. As I read about it's contents its initial glamour wore off. Soon it's external glamor began to fade, until now it is an almost empty bottle of goo, with a surface that is just smudged and scratched enough to remind that this is a plastic bottle that will be absolutely useless once it is done with.
From this point my mind wandered further... to be continued.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Heretical Slip Up on Q
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As the first segment of Q, the popular CBC Radio One show, wrapped up for a news break, the now iconic host Jian Gomeshi, tripped up over the the words "letter" and "later", repeating them out of order several times, before shouting them out angrily in the correct order.
This would have warranted no more than a small titter, except that as the theme music faded out, a soft but still clear heretical blashpheme was heard, uttered by the said icon.
Not only is Jian Gomeshi treading on dangerous ground with iconic status, taking on the role of a false icon, but is now actively besmirching the name of the lord.
Angry protests are already taking place outside of the CBC offices in downtown Toronto, and as word continues to spread, it is likely that the crowd will increase. In all likeliness a riot will soon take place, and CBC Toronto will be leveled to the ground, as if smitten by the Lord.
We desperately urge that Jian Gomeshi publicly apologise to , the entire earth, the heavens above, and he should swear his everlasting soul to the one Lord and saviour, and redeem himself from fiery perdition, where is surely heading.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Way To Go CBC and The Conservatives
As a public broadcasting company the CBC is required to provide a platform for certain political updates. This is not the minister of this or that, the prime minister, or the leader of the defense having a frank if somewhat careful chat with Michael Enright, but rather a one minute spot on why we're great and the other side sucks, in words that are not much more eloquent than that, but much less to the point -- painfully so.
I shook my head, as I do, at most political commercials, or any commercials for that matter, as Tony Clement delivered a monotone message for the Conservatives their economic reforms, which "are working." The only actual detail of proof of a plan that I heard was that two people could now split one job and have the difference covered by e.i. if that company needs to cut back. That is something I suppose, and might be very good, I don't really know, but it doesn't seem to tell me enough at all to justify the repetitions of "a plan that is working" "a plan that is working" "we want to see it through, because it's working" that cropped up throughout the minute long add. Oh, and Michael Ignatieff is the only man in Canada who wants there to be an election and though he says he doesn't, he is doing his utmost to make it happen, and we must fight tooth and nail, gumming him if necessary, to prevent his nefarious plan. And he said thank you of course.
This was followed by the CBC news, with an opening report about Michael Ignatieff who had come to an agreement with Stephen Harper to keep the government in power and avoid an election for the time being. Oh...... so that ad.... was just.... oooo.
I know and you know, the political powers that be feel compelled to err on the side of potential stupidity rather than risk not putting out an ad and finding themselves booted out of power. This just happens to be a moment where the larger stupidity of politics, which denies any chance that anything honest be said, was wonderfully highlighted in a small, visible, form of itself, and gave me, and I hope some others, a good laugh.
I shook my head, as I do, at most political commercials, or any commercials for that matter, as Tony Clement delivered a monotone message for the Conservatives their economic reforms, which "are working." The only actual detail of proof of a plan that I heard was that two people could now split one job and have the difference covered by e.i. if that company needs to cut back. That is something I suppose, and might be very good, I don't really know, but it doesn't seem to tell me enough at all to justify the repetitions of "a plan that is working" "a plan that is working" "we want to see it through, because it's working" that cropped up throughout the minute long add. Oh, and Michael Ignatieff is the only man in Canada who wants there to be an election and though he says he doesn't, he is doing his utmost to make it happen, and we must fight tooth and nail, gumming him if necessary, to prevent his nefarious plan. And he said thank you of course.
This was followed by the CBC news, with an opening report about Michael Ignatieff who had come to an agreement with Stephen Harper to keep the government in power and avoid an election for the time being. Oh...... so that ad.... was just.... oooo.
I know and you know, the political powers that be feel compelled to err on the side of potential stupidity rather than risk not putting out an ad and finding themselves booted out of power. This just happens to be a moment where the larger stupidity of politics, which denies any chance that anything honest be said, was wonderfully highlighted in a small, visible, form of itself, and gave me, and I hope some others, a good laugh.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Good night and good luck!
So I post when I have had a few drinks... or other odd moments. Shhh.
And I don't have any pictures on my god damn blog. Not even a minor lAterary figure... Damn... what am i doing wrong? Why aren't I surrounded by sycophants and people;book people, movie people, music people, naked people... anyone with money... give it to me.
Well, I suppose it's only because it's not what I want... as I've never really pursued that.
Ah ah ah...
the question is then: what do I want?
Has anyone figure that out yet. You people who walk around like you know what you want, do you actually? Or is it all just a show?
Lives full of wild capers. They don't really happen. I'd settle for... a sense of something. I don't even have anchovies.
I love bad jokes.
But seriously... intense dreams... and I look sexy in the mirror. Sure of it.
It all ends up being confusing.
Hello. And Good night!
And I don't have any pictures on my god damn blog. Not even a minor lAterary figure... Damn... what am i doing wrong? Why aren't I surrounded by sycophants and people;book people, movie people, music people, naked people... anyone with money... give it to me.
Well, I suppose it's only because it's not what I want... as I've never really pursued that.
Ah ah ah...
the question is then: what do I want?
Has anyone figure that out yet. You people who walk around like you know what you want, do you actually? Or is it all just a show?
Lives full of wild capers. They don't really happen. I'd settle for... a sense of something. I don't even have anchovies.
I love bad jokes.
But seriously... intense dreams... and I look sexy in the mirror. Sure of it.
It all ends up being confusing.
Hello. And Good night!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Where The Days Go
A ramble for the sake of rambling...
Yesterday it was hot. Women and men, both alike, wore much less clothing. Some wore next to none, and lay in the park, making as much of what they will show the world a lovely golden brown. Some may have turned an ugly red.
There were frisbees everywhere, and volleyballs. Several men were running up and down hills and stairs. One looked like he did only that, and was entirely made of muscles. The others seemed to be chasing after that man with panting breath.
Sweaty chests on display. And thighs blow into sight, as wispy summer dresses swish as you jiggle.
It might not be summer today, but it was yesterday. It felt like it, and people felt like. Everyone fell all over themselves into the role. Everyone was different, or trying to change.
I undid a button or two on my shirt, and walked with mostly quiet ease. The odd twist put in my step by thoughts of my own "new beginings," my own changes, women and other people, myself, my life... as much as I would let myself think about such things. Some are still locked down tight. Just in case. Though, I thought about dealing with them too, and even looked at them out of the corner of my eye.
It feels like a good season to be easy with yourself and everyone.
And just what happens.
I feel like sharing something... really because it's the first time I've had something of my own to share in a while... but I almost don't care what it is.
The Stare
I stared around the doorway
As she brushed and fiddled
Until I filled the place
And she stared back
“What do you think?”
What do I think?
I was thinking about hair
So I took it to me
Slid into it and moved it
Looked at her in the mirror
Held it in a bunch
Let it flow around her face
Pretended this was cut
If I could have it all my way
“like this” I said
When my stomach churned
I hadn’t been paying attention to her
She was staring again
Almost shaking in silence
I wanted her to acknowledge
Her sex, and her effect
And missed until later
Any feeling of significance
In the weight of her gaze
That chewed me
I was filled with knowing
My hands would smell of her
Whenever I sipped something
Yesterday it was hot. Women and men, both alike, wore much less clothing. Some wore next to none, and lay in the park, making as much of what they will show the world a lovely golden brown. Some may have turned an ugly red.
There were frisbees everywhere, and volleyballs. Several men were running up and down hills and stairs. One looked like he did only that, and was entirely made of muscles. The others seemed to be chasing after that man with panting breath.
Sweaty chests on display. And thighs blow into sight, as wispy summer dresses swish as you jiggle.
It might not be summer today, but it was yesterday. It felt like it, and people felt like. Everyone fell all over themselves into the role. Everyone was different, or trying to change.
I undid a button or two on my shirt, and walked with mostly quiet ease. The odd twist put in my step by thoughts of my own "new beginings," my own changes, women and other people, myself, my life... as much as I would let myself think about such things. Some are still locked down tight. Just in case. Though, I thought about dealing with them too, and even looked at them out of the corner of my eye.
It feels like a good season to be easy with yourself and everyone.
And just what happens.
I feel like sharing something... really because it's the first time I've had something of my own to share in a while... but I almost don't care what it is.
The Stare
I stared around the doorway
As she brushed and fiddled
Until I filled the place
And she stared back
“What do you think?”
What do I think?
I was thinking about hair
So I took it to me
Slid into it and moved it
Looked at her in the mirror
Held it in a bunch
Let it flow around her face
Pretended this was cut
If I could have it all my way
“like this” I said
When my stomach churned
I hadn’t been paying attention to her
She was staring again
Almost shaking in silence
I wanted her to acknowledge
Her sex, and her effect
And missed until later
Any feeling of significance
In the weight of her gaze
That chewed me
I was filled with knowing
My hands would smell of her
Whenever I sipped something
Friday, February 27, 2009
Daily Log, Mark number number number beepy noise.
Just looking at the time as I start to write this.
It is almost 11:11, which has managed to remain a special time for me.
It's god damn true, really special sometimes. I just can't hide it.
Anyways.
For anyone interested.
I've been doing some reading for the OAR - OTTAWA ARTS REVIEW.
They just had a very cool fund raiser on Feb 13th and their new issue is hitting the Ottawa area very soon. Also note, that their content is being broadcasted globally via the world wide web at http://www.review.artsuottawa.ca/
It will be worth checking back now and again.
Part of the great literary community of Ottawa and Canada.
Yes Canada has some great stuff.
A couple of Canadian recommendations for the day. Really obvious but fun stuff.
Al Purdy - Attempt
Al Purdy - Home Made Beer
Lorna Crozier - 0
Lorna Crozier - Getting Pregnant
Both have many other great poems. If you do not at least know this two reknowned Canadian poets, then you should get off your wonderful bum (all bums are wonderful) and have a read at them. I was quietly informed yesterday (that recently) that their works are hard to find on-line, as there is a movement to keep Canadian literature in print, and out of digitalised format for now. Not sure if that's due to tradition or respect, or because poets have to sell whatever they can to increase the modest income.
Also on the lierary radar. Tobias Wolff - Awake. I had to read this to help out a friend but it turned out to be quite stunning, though simple read. Don't let the douche bag tone of the first little bit get to you. The character, well, in my opinion, is a bit of a doucebag, but an interesting one.
It also mentions having sex a few times for those of you who need more of a thrill to get you motivated *whistle* grrr ooooh. I'm getting excited just pretending to be excited... ooooh... ahhh..
Now I'm distracted.
Good reading all.
Matthew
It is almost 11:11, which has managed to remain a special time for me.
It's god damn true, really special sometimes. I just can't hide it.
Anyways.
For anyone interested.
I've been doing some reading for the OAR - OTTAWA ARTS REVIEW.
They just had a very cool fund raiser on Feb 13th and their new issue is hitting the Ottawa area very soon. Also note, that their content is being broadcasted globally via the world wide web at http://www.review.artsuottawa.ca/
It will be worth checking back now and again.
Part of the great literary community of Ottawa and Canada.
Yes Canada has some great stuff.
A couple of Canadian recommendations for the day. Really obvious but fun stuff.
Al Purdy - Attempt
Al Purdy - Home Made Beer
Lorna Crozier - 0
Lorna Crozier - Getting Pregnant
Both have many other great poems. If you do not at least know this two reknowned Canadian poets, then you should get off your wonderful bum (all bums are wonderful) and have a read at them. I was quietly informed yesterday (that recently) that their works are hard to find on-line, as there is a movement to keep Canadian literature in print, and out of digitalised format for now. Not sure if that's due to tradition or respect, or because poets have to sell whatever they can to increase the modest income.
Also on the lierary radar. Tobias Wolff - Awake. I had to read this to help out a friend but it turned out to be quite stunning, though simple read. Don't let the douche bag tone of the first little bit get to you. The character, well, in my opinion, is a bit of a doucebag, but an interesting one.
It also mentions having sex a few times for those of you who need more of a thrill to get you motivated *whistle* grrr ooooh. I'm getting excited just pretending to be excited... ooooh... ahhh..
Now I'm distracted.
Good reading all.
Matthew
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